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  • Writer's pictureM. Czerwiec-Feliciano

When our expectations are too much . . .

Updated: Nov 17, 2018

Do we sometimes expect too much from the people in our lives? And if we do, what happens when these same people don't meet those expectations? What if they repeatedly fail to reach even the most basic of goals we have set forth in our mind? #expectations #fail

Moving back to my home state has brought up many of these questions about a lot of the people who used to play an important or historical part in my life. Over the last year or so, my husband and I have had this conversation more times than I can count at this point and it's finally started to weigh on my mind to the point where I find these themes creeping into my novels in places/instances where they shouldn't be. I have many times thought that I had moved past some of these occurrences but then while laying in bed late at night, they all come flooding back. My question is, what is the best way to handle this? I know, for me, this is all happening because I am back in my home state which I never thought I would return to live in. Even though I am not in the area of the state that I grew up in, I do on occasion run into a former classmate/friend/family member that I didn't think I would see again and for some reason, it seems awkward when this happens. #home #movingon #nomore

Now, I have had some wonderful experiences recently with people I went to school with that I would never have expected but would definitely welcome again. (Thank you so much Linda, Nate, Mark, Danny and Kelly) But, I wonder, is there a point where I stop trying? I'm definitely not trying to relive my "high school glory days" because those are purely fictional at best. I had a decent enough time in high school and I got by just fine but there were many, many, MANY things that happened that I would love to never think about again. What do you do or how do you act when you run into a person from your past and the experience is horrible at best? I was always raised to not ignore someone from your past. Plus, I just think that is rude. I can and will always try to say "Hi." at the very least. I saw a former student of mine at the beginning of the summer and I was glad that I said something to her since she passed away less than a month later. But, at what point do you chalk it up to growing apart and just not even make the effort to say hi at the very least? Are my expectations too high when I think that someone who was a good friend or close family member before my adventure to California should be able to at least muster a heart-felt Hello? Or am I just old school in wanting a pleasant face to face contact when we can all seem friendly and caring on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? #glorydays #tooold #whatthehell #nothankyou

Over the past 9.5 years, my heart has opened up to allow in more love than I ever thought possible. My husband has show me how to be a better man than I was before I met him and I feel like I've gotten a new lease on life and I've been trying to show that to people from my past that I may not have left the best impression with. But, I guess it's just more painful when these uncomfortable occurrences happen with someone that I felt was still a good friend/family member. When is it time to just officially "cut the cord" on these relationships? Because no one should have to live with toxic/weird/uncomfortable relationships in their lives. Right? #love #marriage #forever #newlife #gay #gayguy #gaymarriage

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