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  • M. Czerwiec-Feliciano

About the holidays . . .

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how people pass in and out of our lives. I'm not quite sure if this is because of a recent change in my life or because one of the ideas for a book I've been working on deals with something like that as well; but either way, I've been spending a lot of my time thinking about this. I dream about this almost every night and honestly, it's starting to haunt me. I really think that being in the middle of the build-up of the holiday season doesn't really help either.


Everywhere you look it's about family and stress and family. While I understand the message, there are certain aspects that I disagree with. I hate that there is this belief that being around family is always stressful and has to be. I'm sorry but as a fully grown adult well past being a child, why should I feel bad about my family? Or if there are familial issues, why should I be made to feel bad if I don't spend thanksgiving or Christmas with them? I mean, seriously? Why would any sane person put themselves in such an uncomfortable position?


I guess as a gay man, I just have a different definition of family. A lot of gay men don't have good relationships with their birth family. Hell, some gay men don't have any relationship at all with their family. Because of that, we create our own family. We surround ourselves with a "family" that is loving, supportive and doesn't make us feel like less than a person because of whom we love. Families should be a place for love. Always. In the interest of full disclosure, my family accepted me when I came out and has fully accepted my husband as a family member; but I know that I am more of the exception to that rule. A lot of gay men, lesbian women, trans men & women and everyone else on the LGBTQ spectrum don't have the amazing amount of love and support that I do. So, why are they made to feel like even less of a human because they don't or won't "go home" for the holidays? Isn't it time that we change the sentiment that family can only be the one we were born into? Or that you are a failure if you don't want to go back to your picturesque childhood home?


Family is what you make it, plain and simple. While I have a mother and father and a sister, isn't my husband my most immediate family? Shouldn't I be allowed to just spend time with him in my own home without being made to feel like a loser, failure or bad son/brother because I didn't want to travel anywhere for the holidays? Because I AM NOT A FAILURE. I AM NOT A BAD SON. I love spending time with my husband. I want to create new "traditions" with him. The holidays shouldn't be weird. The holidays shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. It's supposed to be a time for celebration. Why make someone feel bad about wanting to celebrate with what they consider their family?

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